2020: The List of what’s ‘Out’ and what’s ‘In’

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Riiise and shiiinnee, friends! It’s a new day, and it couldn’t have come a moment too soon. 2019 was a wild dream, huh. Or was it a nightmare?

We show up to class and, ugh, pop quiz. We only SparkNotes’d the assigned reading- have you seen how long the Mueller report is? – but grades don’t matter because mom and dad paid for SAT scores, anyway.

Suddenly we’re in the sky, suspended between Brexit, impeachment and primaries. We land on a battlefield, where the games among superheroes and Starks have ended. Shouts echo from children upset over the earth’s condition. Tears flow for statesmen, songbirds and storytellers.

We make our way to the Old Town Road and find it lined with familiar faces: Megan Rapinoe saying sorry to this man (who is making his way to the DMZ); Jeopardy James giving answers in the form of questions; Beyoncé leading the Homecoming parade.

Then it turns into a weird pregnancy dream and, oh, God, is that . . . Baby Yoda?!

BEEP BEEP BEEP. Phew, it’s over. But 2020 is just starting.

So let’s quit hitting snooze. We’re painfully awake, and it’s time to take a good, hard look at what’s ahead. What, think we can’t see into the future? Girlfriend, you are so on.

– – –

Out. . . In

Nationals parade route . . . Mystics parade route

2020 . . . 2024

Oat milk latte . . . Anaerobic coffee

“Climate change”. . . “Climate crisis”

Baldwin on SNL . . . Bowen on SNL

“Read the transcript!” . . . Read John Bolton’s book

Offloading Redskins season tickets . . . Buying defenders season tickets

Sequels every few years . . . Sequels every 30 years

Food delivery . . . Beverage delivery

Women left behind on Earth . . . Women leaving Earth behind

Bailey . . . Bruce

Cancel culture . . . Cancel subscription

Dolly Parton . . . Dolly Parton

TikTok passion . . . Tick tock fashion

Farewell, Rendon . . . Stay forever, Soto

Diner interviews . . . Farmer interviews

What is cinema? . . . What is television?

Cursed energy . . . Dark energy

Sans serif . . . Serif

Blush painted rooms . . . Black painted rooms

Birds . . . “Birds of Prey”

California sober . . . Washington drunk

Shutting down local newspaper . . . Starting fake local newspapers

Mocking VSCO girls . . . Leaving teen girls alon

Butt dials from Rudy . . . Jury trials with Rudy

“Friends” with Netflix . . . “Friends” with HBO Max

Libra as currency . . . Libras as boyfriends

Billionaires . . . 401(k) millionaires

Hot workouts . . . Cold workouts

Worrying about your kids’ screen time . . . Worrying about your boomers’ screen time

Death Stranding . . . Death positivity

Elderberry . . . Elder candidates

Big Pharma . . . “Jagged Little Pill”

When will Tom Brady retire? . . . Has Tom Brady already retired?

Self-care . . . Self-loathing

“Lol, Quibi” . . . “Okay, fine, what’s Quibi?”

Ivanka 2020 . . . Lara 2020

Selling to Gen Z . . . Selling to Gen Alpha

Country Lukes . . . Country Tenilles

Living in “1984” . . . Revisiting 1984

Off-White . . . On sneakers

Fed up with Kanye . . . Fed up with Grimes

Council Member Jack Evans . . . Private citizen Jack Evans

Living coral . . . Classic blue

Smokey Bear . . . “Little Fires Everywhere”

Buying influence at Trump’s hotel . . . Buying Trump’s hotel

Blueface . . . Roddy Ricch

Milos . . . Mallorca

Electability . . . Voting your conscience